Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Phew... New Orleans Break Down!

So I'm back from my weekend trip to New Orleans and cognizant enough again finally to do a post about the whole ordeal. Funny thing is that I'm only 2 DAYS away from another trip down to the Big Easy!

So I took a train to NO last Wed. an 8hr trip from my current home in Chattanooga TN. I arrived in NO at about 7:45, just in time to catch a cab to DejaVu Showgirls on Bourbon st!

Now here is a nice club! Reasonable prices, pretty girls, all around fun! I met some totally wicked awesome people... Blake from Nashville... Drew... Ubisoft guy... Jim the Rob clone... POKEWALKER GUY just to name a few! I met a couple not-so-cool people (you know who you are PESO THE RAPPER & SMELLY SCULPTOR GUY). But I gotta say, I had fun and made both friends and money! What more could a girl want?

The weekend did have it's rough spots... on Friday (Steven Tyler's birthday no less) I cut my foot on the top of the can my lunch came in... this nasty customer...

It was not pretty. I panicked, then I bled... Then I panicked... Then I bled some more.

Many squares of toilet paper and Hello Kitty band-aids later I was hobbling, bleeding, to work. I managed through the night, but I can't say it probably didn't effect my money. But hey... I had a fun time and over all... I can't say I did too bad...


So Until Tomorrow...

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Saturday, March 27, 2010

NOTHIN is better than Tom and Jerry at 5am

Friday, March 26, 2010

I'm so in love with the constant music on bourbon st.

Steven Tyler's Birthday

Happy birthday Steven! Here's to many many more years of Aerosmith, hard rock, irresistable swagger and most importantly good health! Your fans love you!


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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Well well well louisiana... So we meet again

Hello mississippi!Just passing thru!

Greeting from alabama!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Packing... Things Dancers need for their bags

In the spirit of killing two birds with one stone I'm going to be packing while I write this entry on the essentials of the stripper bag. That way I won't forget anything.

Now, As of right now I'm a traveling girl. All that means is that I have to pack a lot more. I'm going to focus first on the bag that I will actually be taking to the club with me. There are several rules to packing a good dancer bag.

Pack Light... *Especially* if you're new to a club. You should be able to fit everything into a small duffel bag. I use a medium-sized Jansport backpack. You don't want to be leaving your stuff out. EVER. Packing Light just ensures you go home with everything you came with.

Once you get a little more confidence and experience with your club in particular, you may want to start leaving a few outfits in your locker to lighten the load even more!

Key Item You May Not Know You Need!
2:Ribbon/cut up old nylons (most for shoe repair purposes... but also comes in handy for any number of dancer catastrophe)
4:DiperRash Creme. (For real guys... stop wearing jeans to stripclubs.)
5:Deodorant (you'll regret it if you put some on at home and don't bring it with)
8:Something to sit on [like a scarf] (many clubs have vinyl seating... which causes sweaty buns, which causes butt pimples)

All the items above +shoes, +up to 3 outfits, +makeup, +hair supplies and you have yourself an expertly packed dancer bag! As I said, once you get to be more of a regular worker having a regular locker really cuts down on the stuff you have to haul back and forth everyday (ie: WIN)

When Packing the bag itself (and THIS is REALLY important for people who may not even get a locker right away) cover everything with your outfits. Some girls will take anything, but lets not make it easier by leaving a straightener, or a cute lipgloss etc etc on top in an unzipped bag. DO NOT leave money or phone or ANYTHING you really wouldn't want stolen unlocked in the lockerroom. You can only expect to keep the things you have with you - otherwise, its just good grace. Now I'm not saying that you're going to get picked clean- but use good sense when choosing things to bring into the club. ESPECIALLY if you don't have the ability to lock it up.

Have a small bag you carry with you to keep your money, id, phone etc. Keep it with you AT ALL TIMES. I like to think of it like a tiny stripper briefcase, mostly because if my dancebag was as messy as my purse I'd be in trouble. My recommendation is the small cosmetic bags at walmart.

So now you know the essentials of a dance warrior's bag... Maybe one of these days I'll let you in on some of my secret items ;)

Look forward to Posts from the Road NOLA BOUND!

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Sick Bitch

Sick bitch can't post tonight. Here's a Kitteh


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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Happy Birthday Boobies! Bready Egg Boobies & C-cupcakes!

March 20 was the one year anniversary of my... er... Well, my boob job. lol! They are the best boobies in the entire world so I threw them a small party with all boob shaped food!

For All the Pictures in Bigger sizes, Check out the Flickr Set!

Now, I admit the first course of this meal is a bit of a stretch as far a "boob shaped". But, if you don't already know, I've been horrendously sick recently with a stomach virus that just won't quit and my mom used to make this dish (normally know as egg in the hole ^_^) for me when I was recovering from sickness, and I've totally been craving it. SOOOOoo, I did my best to incorporate the familiar and oh-so-smile-inducing shape of boobies whenever I could... because... Fuck you I wanted eggs dammit. So I'm gunna teach you how to make TETAS*HUEVOS!

What you need:
2 Slices of Bread
2 Eggs
Butter or Margarine
2 Cups, One Large, One Small
Pan to Fry in and Appropriate heat source
Yup, That's all.

Get Started!
Turn Heat Source on Low
Lightly butter-grease pan and put on heat

First take your bread and butter both sides.
Next, take your cups,

And Press them down, big first, then the little one in the center of the larger... so it looks like this when you're done:

See How the booby shape is comin' out? Oh yeah!

Take the inside circle and Separate it from the outer put both in pan.
Next, take your eggs (which I have festively decorated to keep in theme

And crack them very carefully so that the egg yolk is inside the hole in the larger circle... Like this:

Then super carefully (and I mean that, these are a bitch to flip and not break/fuck up the placement of the yolk) after about 2-3 minutes flip. Now, I like my yolks runny (the bread soaks it up and that's suuuuuuper tasty) but if you don't like it Awesome then the cook time from here on out varies. But serve 'em up... putting the little toasty circle right on top of the egg in the place it used to be and enjoy TETASHUEVOS!

Don't even try to tell me that the resemblance isn't uncanny! ;P

Now for the C-cupcakes.

Once again I'm sick so yay for Duncan Hines and Betty Crocker!

So Basically here - Just follow the instructions they so nicely provide for you on the box ox cupcakes... then let them cool, and frost nipples on them! Yay FUN!

I love boobs, I'm not a lesbian... but who the hell doesn't love boobs? Seriously, ladies... speak up! You totally know boobs are totally awesome and totally fun even if they aren't yours. For real. Don't Lie. They are super fun and FREE to boot(unless you happen to have gone my route... then its totally not free. But still fun- Epic Fun.) Let's hear it!

Until Tomorrow
Rockon TenderLumplings!
**BoobCulinary Master Extraordinaire

*I met a PuertoRican fellow at the Club the other day- He taught me 'tits' in Spanish and said I had a very nice accent! :) Made me happy.

PS- My train ticket is booked - Weds I'm hoppin' on a Back Back Train to take me home... Dance Sched to follow when I have it! ;P

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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Good Evening People, Welcome to the Show!

Got lots of stuff I want you all to know! (I have a lot of things to cover in this first post :P )

Well, I've finally gotten this blog looking to where I'm not embarrassed to put my name on it... So what is that name?

Moonshine Bonanza.
I am Moonshine Bonanza and I am a ReeferHeadedWoman, a WomanoftheWorld & (if I do say so myself) some HotTailed, PoonTang to make yo' sweet heart stutter. As such, my chosen profession as an ExoticDancer (DejaVu Showgirls Bourbon st!) has led me to a vast supply of travels and crazy stories, most of which end with very sexy/hilarious (sexlarious?) results.

Oh yeah, and since I haven't mentioned it yet... I'm the biggest Aerosmith fan you know. I've already referenced four different Aerosmith songs since the beginning of this post (bonus points to the first one to name all the songs I reference throughout this post!). I was basically raised on their music, and have had the philosophy of the music significantly shape who I am as a person.

Which is a BadAss, Shoot from the hips, take no shit gypsy(robot)cowgirl! Yeah, You all wish you were cool like me.

I also like to think I'm pretty damn funny, which is all reason enough for me to finally get off my ass and start this blog. I want the world to know about the going-ons in the life of this Aerosmith-obsessed stripper. I'm on a mission, a proposition, to follow Aerosmith on tour in Europe this summer and fill in my (hopefully soon to be) fans every step of the journey! I want to make you think and maybe even make you a little angry! I want to post silly memes and PARTIAL NUDITY and make the masses laugh and get a semi-boner all at the same time!

America: FUCK YEAH!

So strap in, hang on and hold your breath... because once this train starts a rollin', ain't nothin gunna stop it!

RockOn until Tomorrow!
*gypsyROBOTcowgirl & all around badass

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