Saturday, October 8, 2011

Lamest Pokemon of All Time (of the Week)

Week 2: Furret

I know what you're thinking. “Moonshine, of course they're going to be be running out ideas once they get to #568. There's only so many good combos for different critters!” To that I say “No, good sir, you would be quite wrong. Quite wrong, indeed.” Running out of ideas is basing a Pokemon on a common house pet that has no special abilities. That brings me to my pick for LPAT for this week, #162, Furret. Yeah, #162. Only 12 Pokemon past the original 150. LAME.

Furret is a ferret. A six foot tall, 71lbs ferret. Now, I'm not saying that a ferret of that size couldn't fuck some shit up, all I'm saying is the designers on this one could have maybe added something to it to make it a little cooler. How about wings. Crazy colors? What about a menacing look on its face? Literally anything would be cooler than this. It even behaves like a giant ferret. It lives in the wild in prairie land, it burrows in the ground, it sleeps in piles with other Furrets.
Everything I read about this Pokemon is lame and boring. Basically everything I told you in the last paragraph is all there is. Furret has only had a few unspectacular appearances in the anime, has been seen in, but has contributed nothing of value to the manga, and is pretty much just a great big dud. The worst part is that based on the fact that its just a giant ferret, I can only assume that it smells like a giant ferret would. Ferrets have a Musk Gland, which, along with urine, they use to mark their territory, aid in mating rituals and spray predators when they feel threatened. Even ferret that have this gland removed still have that musky animal smell. Like swamp moss soaked in stale piss.
The most disappointing thing about this Pokemon is the fact that its much cooler before it evolves. Setret is still a relatively bland Pokemon battle-wise, but at least it looks like a crazy raccoon-rabbit-Tigger hybrid. Its freakin' adorable. Then it evolves into a giant, stinky rodent. FAIL.

So here's to you, creator of Furret. Obviously you have way too many ferrets at home, name them like people, and let them eat off the dinner table with you. Way to let your obsession for tube-shaped rodents completely rule you're life.

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